Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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