smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
