I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
