is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
