the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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