Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I lost the right to judge tonight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
