Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
