well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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