Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
