why didn't you poke me back
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just cut my nipple shaving
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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