you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
