I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
