and you said cock pushups were impossible
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
