There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
