If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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