i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
