I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Couch. On fire.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
