Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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