so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
