Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
