I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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