I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
