shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
