be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
