I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They took my balls.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
