so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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