trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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