Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
