Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
