it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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