dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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