dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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