I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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