dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
