where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
