Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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