my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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