Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
