Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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