just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Alive.
So much puke
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
