it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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