3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
