I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
