my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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