We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At least life still wants to fuck me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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