I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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