So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
