I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
