yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
