Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
